Good Morning.

It's definitely been a while since I've last written in this...a month, actually. I haven't really had the time to sit and write up a blog because it's been a really crazy month.

This month brought my time at Studio 5 Conservatory to a close; the actual final day was Monday. We've worked the entire semester to put together a performance piece/a play about Vincent VanGogh through improvisations. We would either take the inspiration from a painting of his and become that character and improvise a scene, or we would have specific masks put on us and see how a scene played out. Also, through some of the movement exercises, new scenes were created. It was a pretty fascinating way of putting a play together and definitely different from anything I've ever done before. We got the last scene the night before the first performance and our first real run through was opening night. The crazy part - that never made me nervous. Of course I had my usual nerves that pop in 15-20 minutes before any show, but no nerves because we weren't prepared enough, because we were. It was a continual process, even the shows. We weren't about a final product, but about the process instead, which is what made it so compelling and interesting and fantastic to be a part of. It was very abstract and I ended up playing three different characters. This was probably some of the best acting I've ever done. It was a pretty abstract play, not naturalistic. So, for a lot of it, I was just standing and speaking lines when in real life I may walk around or use gestures or something. In this case, evertything was internalized and then shot out through energy to fill the space, the connection with the eyes, the rays coming out of me. This is stuff that James Luse began working with us, and now, with everything else I have learned from Per and Aole, I was able to put it all to work, all of their work. It was really amazing to feel, and for one of the first times while performing, I was so in the world of the moment and the play. Honestly, I couldn't even see the audience's faces. I acknowledged they were there, but they didn't affect me the way they would have before where it would influence me and increase my nerves. It was a really great experience and proved to me that I need to not be so hard on myself because I can actually be good. haha. It was well recieved by those came and saw it, as well as my performance.

Mom, Danielle, Mark, and Julie came last weekend to see the performance and got to tour around New York City a little bit which was cool. Friday, when they arrived, they headed over to the Statue of Liberty and I was going to meet them over there because I work maybe a 15 minutes walk away, but they were going to be a little longer and I had to run to the studio for the first performance. They spent the rest of the night chillin and walking around. I came up after and took Mark and Julie over to a bar off of 45th Street. Saturday, I woke up and headed up to Times Square to meet them. We headed over to Macy's and ate some lunch. Then we went over to Central Park and walked around for a little while and saw a lot of it. We went on the carousel, which was fun, and I hadn't been on that one before. They were all amazed at how big it was and how beautiful, as well. So, next we headed over to Fifth Ave. and walked down, looked at the shops and made our way to St. Patrick's Cathedral, which was one other thing that mom wanted to see. Across the street is Rockefellar Center, so of course we checked that out, too. Apparently the ice rink turns into a little bar/resuatrant during the spring/summer. I had no idea. We got some chocolate covered strawberries from Godiva, I grabbed some dinner, went back to the hotel, they crashed, and I left for my performance. They came this evening. After this performance, I took Mark and Julie out Downtown on the Lower East Side where I usually go. My friend Julie's theatre company had their closing night and were meeting at a bar down the street from the theatre to celebrate, so we met up with them. I was glad they were able to hang out in a place that was New Yorkers, not tourists, and actually be able to see the cool non-tourist aspects of New York. So, we stayed there and had some New York brews. Then there was going to be a dance party over at the theatre, so we headed over there. It's a very small theatre - seats maybe 99 and the stage is just level with the floor with raked seating. Anyway, they just their ipod playing and everyone was just drinking, dancing, and having a good time. I'm glad Mark and Julie got to experience this, too, because it's these little types of parties that make up New York and how cool and fun and random it is. I think they had a good time. We got back and got hot dogs off of a street vendor. Julie hated it, Mark and I didn't care. Sunday, we woke up, went to Applebee's for lunch, I said my goodbyes and headed off to the studio for our matinee performance. It was a really great weekend and I'm glad they were able to make it and hopefully they had a great time too.

So, the final performance was Monday/the finality of the one year program. I can't believe an entire year has gone by. I definitely have transformed into a different actor and individual. It's been a reamarkable experience, and I was right with my instincts last year - this is the program that I need to go to after I graduate. It's interesting because last year before I graduated I was sort of freaking out because I was majoring in theatre and I wasn't ready to go out and audition, there was still so much I didn't know or have or feel comfortable with. Well, through Moscow afterwards, and then through the course of this program, it filled in those blanks and got me deeper within my imagination, crativity, acting abilities, and self. When I was about to "graduate" or complete this program, I felt ready. I still do. I know that I need to begin auditioning and I'm pretty ready to do so. I somewhat know what steps I need to take, and I know what I need to do. It's a really cool feeling to be able to do this, and really cool that I know that everything will be ok. I don't know how I know, but I know it will be and it will all work out, that's for sure.

Ok. Well, I have some stuff I have to get to today, so I'm out. I'll try to update more.

My journey begins today...

April began this week. April brings in the 7 month mark for me living in New York, Taylor's 7 month birthday (which is coincidentally today), the final month of my Studio 5 Conservatory, bright and sunny spring days, and a whole new chapter that has already begun. This week in class we did a lot of work investigating within ourselves and deciphering emotions, thoughts, digging deep. It was a great, yet scary time of discovery, as well as a release. While writing about all of it in my journal (I keep a notebook journal that I write in everyday), I finished the notebook after that entry. This, to me, is pretty symbolic. While writing, I was writing a changed person knowing that I was finished with a certain chapter in my life and ready to take that next step into adulthood. When I got to the end of the entry, it was on the last line on the last page of the notebook. The next words that popped out of me were "The end of chapter one," and that it was. The interesting part is that I started the notebook when I moved here. The first entry was written the day I moved here and began with "9/3/08 - Here I sit at Detroit Metro Airport, Gate 5, as the new chapter in my life is about to begin...is starting already, I should say." I didn't realize until just now that I started the notebook saying a new chapter is about to begin and then finished the notebook saying end of chapter one. How crazy. I'm excited to look back on it in a few months and see just how much more I've changed and progressed as an individual.

Yesterday I went to throw on a pair of bummy jeans to just run up to the grocery store real fast. I grabbed a pair from the bottom of my jean pile. It happened to be a pair of size 33 jeans from when I moved here. Mind you, these jeans were tight on me before I moved here, or just fit I should say...no wiggle room, really. Well, I put them on yesterday and I looked like a weight loss commercial. No joke. I held the waist out in front of me like all of those pictures you see in the magazines advertising weight loss. I looked like I used to be huge...which I wasn't. I knew I had gone down two sizes in jeans, but I didn't know how dramatic of a change that was until I threw myself back into the old me. Wow. This really and completely shocked me. I eat what I need, I'm more conscious about exercising, I walk a lot, move a ton in class, everything adds together to have helped me reach this place. It was kind of a cool realization. And believe it or not, I've lost 30 lbs. since last March (2008). ew. I used to be huge. That was probably the chunkiest I had ever been. I ate badly, didn't exercise, was not the happiest of campers ever, and my size 33's really were too small for me. So glad I've changed. Life's too short to hinder yourself with a weight problem and unhealthy habits.

This week has been a tough one. One with new realizations, old memories smacking me in the face, and stupid nuances picking at me throughout the days. My analogy to my friend Valerie one day was that I was a martyr that kept walking and small stones and pebbles kept being thrown at me. That was a little dramatic, yes, but that's how it felt. Small things kept happening to get at me, but nothing big enough to take a huge effect and completely knock me down. But, Friday I came to terms with it all. I left work, went out and met with Julie and our other friend, Rachel, and we had a couple really good margaritas. Good drinks, good talk, and good friends; nothing really compares. It's surprising how much just sitting with good energy and a good friend can completely change everything around and make you feel better about whatever. It was a rough week, but Friday night, I left it all behind me; there's no use in dwelling on it and wallowing in the absurdities that affected you throughout the week. Friday brought in a new energy and I have been living in it since then. :)

I just opened the window that has been closed for too long and opened the blinds that are too often shut. The slight breeze letting itself into my room and the sun's rays that are pouring itself in is so peaceful and beautiful and what I love. I really should be living in a place where the weather is like this. The sun brings with it a great energy, an unexplainable happiness, and an unmatchable characteristic that is posessed by nothing else. I am, always have been, and always will be, and individual who is most in his element when the sun is lighting up and warming up the world.

While at work and no one's in the pool, I end up having a lot of time on my hands. So, I write, whether in my journal, a short poem, a song, whatever. I'm not really a writer, a poet, or song writer, but it's still fun to let my creativity flow onto a page into a different form as opposed to me expressing it through acting or movement, which I obviously love. Here is a song I wrote. It's simple and the background music is a simple strum of a guitar playing the same couple chords maybe, or possibly a simple, smooth piano. I wrote it on the day where I ended chapter one and have transitioned into the next phase. I dedicate it to mom and dad because they're amazing, have never stopped me chasing dreams, and filled me with inspiration and confidence every step of the way. I'm going to close this entry with it, also. Have a beautiful day. Enjoy the sun.

It's time to let your little bird fly
Spread his wings and take up to the sky
Explore the world one inch at a time
You've had your life story, let me have mine

You've attached my wings to my back
You've helped me realize my full potential;
I appreciate that
You guided me through the fog and the storm
to sunshine and clear skies on the distant shore

It's time to let your little bird fly
Spread his wings and take up to the sky
Explore the world one inch at a time
You've had your life story, let me have mine

I need to make new friends, learn the world over
There's more than a million things to discover
You helped me set up this path; don't be afraid
I know what I'm doing, I've learned from the best
to be confident, strong, and believe in yourself

You'd say:
No mountain's too high, no land too far away
The sky is the limit, now be on your way

It's time to let your little bird fly
Spread his wings and take up to the sky
Explore the world one inch at a time
You've had your life story, let me have mine

You continue with saying:
I'm proud of you, truly I am
You've grown up to be an incredible man
Now take your first step, open your wings
It's now your turn to fly, dance, and sing
I'm excited to see what the future will hold
for my little bird who's creative and bold

Now take off in flight, you've got the whole world to see
Because I love the person you've grown up to be.

It's time to let my little bird fly
Spread his wings and take over the sky
Explore the world every inch of the way
I've had my story, yours starts today

Be on your way

Fly, my little bird, fly

Happenings

Caroline and I at Starbucks. She, as well as the graduating MFA and BFA classes of WSU were in New York for a showcase. We met up for coffee and caught up, which was so nice. We were friends at Wayne State, she coached me on monologues, and we traveled to Moscow together.

I also got to hang out with Steve and Beth. It was so great to see and catch up with them, too. I haven't seen Beth since the summer, I think. It really made me miss our good talks and crazy times being roommates in Moscow and Paris. So glad I had the opportunity to see them while they were here.

So, one of my instructors, Aole, got a teaching job at the University of Singapore being the head of Voice and Speech within their theatre department. Amazing opportunity. So, he's getting rid of much of his stuff. He needs to downsize his library, so he offered us many of his books. I took two big bags because I'm obsessed with reading and books. So, my play collection has expanded dramatically and I have recieved some really cool fiction books which is terrific because I'm always looking for new books and plays to read.

I think that things are meant to happen in your life when they're supposed to happen. For example, reading a book. You may have a book sitting on your shelf for years and never read it. Then one day, you're inclined to pick it up and finally read it, and you realize you weren't meant to read this book before this moment because of the way it pertains to your life and affects you at that moment. That may sound complicated, but I completely believe in it. This proved true when I read "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coehlo this week. This was one of the books I received from Aole, and I have been meaning to read it for a while because keep telling me I'd like it. Well, I've finally read it and wow does it correlate with my life. It's about this boy who meets this man that kind of sparks him into realizing his own "personal legend," or goal in life, everyone has one, but many people block it out or stop short right before they get there. He leaves home, goes through a series of obstacles, heads into the unknown following just instincts and going off of the omens or signs that he is on the right course. He meets many people along the way, some who befriend him, help him with his course, and others who try to stand in the way and tell him of his impossible dream and that's he silly for following it. However, the boy never doubts himself, and when doubt begins to creep in, a sign comes along to tell him to keep going. It's a beautiful and inspirational story. As I was reading it, it was uncanny how my experiences fit in with his. I, of course, didnt have the same experiences as him, but the path he took in general. People know of their personal legends from the time their little children, but usually block it out when they begin to get older because of society, pressure, and the unrealistic possibility of the dream actually coming true. I've wanted to be an actor since I was a little kid. I'm still a child at heart, that's my archetype. My imagination has never been hindered, has never stopped flowing, and I have never stopped myself although there have more than enough obstacles. And now, 18 years after I would on shows in my backyard or basement, I am in New York. Who'd have thought? But, I never once thought I couldn't do it. This was the path and I never doubted it; I knew where I was going, what I had to do. And now I'm here. I still have so much further to go, but as long as I keep this confidence, follow my instincts, listen to the signs, and follow my heart, my path ahead will lead me to my personal legend.

I am fascinated by peoples' personalities and obsessed with people watching...or should I saw, observing - because that's what I do. When I people watch, I observe. I look to see their motives, to see if there's a specific breathing pattern, way they move, if they're doing something for attention, or if it's really organic and natural. When they talk, are they talking to the other person, at the other person, or to themselves because they're just talking with no general point of focus. You can learn so much from society if you just sit back and observe; investigate. The inner emotions are most likely going to shine through and you'll be able to sense their energy, feel with them, and ultimately understand yourself and the human population slightly better. Throughout this course I have learned to dive deep within myself and investigate; investigate emotions, what I'm currently feeling, going inside whatever it is and living inside it, and then riding the roller coaster over to the next one that may pop in. You'd be surprised at what you're actually feeling when you stop the facade and go inside and investigate. This grounds you and creates presence within yourself at that moment. This is beneficial for acting and makes the character natural and organic because what is coming out of the character is actually what is going on inside of you, just translated through the character's words, physicality, and emotions. This "investigation process" also relieves muscle tension, aching, pain; you hold so much emotion within your muscles, muscle memory. By going inside them through tremors and investigation, you are allowing these emotions to live and breathing them out which in turns relieves the pain. It's a fascinating process, which really works when you're focused and get down to it. It was difficult for me at first, but now I can dive right in, identify, live, and become present within a minute. This is a practice that I will continue to work on because it will be beneficial when I can get present even faster to jump into a role.

We did camera work this week with Aole. I was nervous at first before we stepped in front of the camera because I didn't exactly know how it would turn out, how I'd be. But, before I went I pushed that away and just lived in the moment...and it showed. We had to tell a funny story. After we all went, we reviewed and gave constructive criticism, negativity was not allowed at all, which was great. I was genuinely and happily surprised at the results. I actually looked pretty good on screen. I was real and honest, I looked good, and my intentions were clear. I was living the images and conveying them well across to the audience. I even sounded good. My voice was clear, crisp, and resonant...something I have been working on because I was always too nasaly, went down at the end of my sentences, under-anunciated, and didn't sound at all confident. I'm still not where I would like to be, but it's amazing to see where I'm at now. I'm really glad I'm able to add film to my bag of tricks of things I can do.

For our final showcase, we're developing a play based on VanGogh's life. We began by writing out a timeline of events in his life we wanted to cover. Then, through the work of improvisations, character development, and mask work, we have created the scenes that will be in the play. New understandings of why he acted the way he did, what emotion was felt, what sort of atmosphere was created in a given situation, these are all becoming clearer. It's work like I've never done before. It's so spectacular to see how these improvisations unfold and become something so much more than life, and create this story. Flawlessly. We move around, come up with gestures, internalize these, develop a character, and create another scene. We study of a painting of a portrait, internalize it, move as the character, begin making sounds, and again begin improvising a scene while we have become these characters in the portraits. This is work I would have never thought I could do before, but I'm doing it. It's imaginitive, innovative, creative, and ultimately beautiful and special. Coming here is still one of the best decisions I've made toward my career as an artist.

I'm beginning to get even more comfortable at work. I joke around with the old people all the time, I love them and they love me, and I have befriended many of them. I'm also starting to become good friends with some of my co-workers. They're all around my age and pretty cool. I went out the other night with one of them and her friends. It was really cool to hang out with a different group of people, and all of them were really cool. We had a great time, and it was interesting because we were in an area and ended up at a bar I had gone to once before when Branden was here. Random. You think New York is a huge city (which it is), but it is also very small, and that's one of the aspects I love about the city. I'm really beginning to learn my way around, find new places, meet new people, and fit right in. It's a great feeling.

I finally booked a flight home for Easter. It's ridiculous because the prices jumped up so much because it's spring break season and Easter. Stupid. But, I'm glad I'm able to come home. I'm so ready to spend time with the family, hang out with some friends on Saturday night, and be away from the city. It'll be beautiful. The trouble is I'll only be home for the weekend and so many people want to see me. I'll see who I want to see, though, because you can't please everyone. And I know I want to see the fam, which is obvious and I get to spend all day Sunday with them which will be great.

Alright, well I'm going to head off to watch more episodes of Heroes. I missed all of last season and this season so far, so I'm trying to catch up because I really like the show, it's extremely intrigueing. Sundays have definitely become my relaxing, chill, do nothing day. Haha. And I love it. If someone made plans, I'd go do them, but otherwise, I'm completely fine being a lazy bum and chilling out. On that note, my comfortable bed is calling me to watch the dvd. Have a good night!

I'll write again soon.

As I'm eating cocoa pebbles.

What a crazy and busy past couple of weeks. Well, Danielle came to visit last weekend which was fun. We walked around all over the place. We tried to see In the Heights, but never won the lottery for it and otherwise tickets were too expensive. So, we crossed the street and saw The Little Mermaid instead. It was a cute show, and fun, and Danielle really liked it, so that was good. Saturday, we got up early and did the lottery for Wicked and Danielle won! So, we were able to get two front row tickets at $25 each. Otherwise, we wouldn't have been able to see that show either because it's too expensive. It was so good. Once Danielle saw this, she definitely saw the different I saw between The Little Mermaid and Wicked - in regards to acting, choreography, etc. She LOVED IT, so that was definitely great. This was actually one of the the shows she really wanted to see so I'm glad we were able to see it. Here are some pictures of our adventures:

Danielle and I in Times Square.

Danielle and I in front of The Little Mermaid sign after we bought tickets for her first Broadway show!

Danielle and I at Rockefeller Center.

Danielle and I in front of the Wicked sign after she won the lottery for front row tickets.

Danielle and I with New York hot dogs from the street; one of the things Danielle wanted to do. :)

Danielle and I in Central Park.

In Central Park.

Love finding the beauty in the city.

Danielle and I at Serendipity grabbing a dessert. I got a Frrrrrozen Hot Chocolate and a Banana Split. (Julie ended up meeting us up there too, but the picture wouldn't load.)

So, that was a fun filled weekend, as you can see. Monday and Tuesday while I was at work, Danielle walked around on her own and did some shopping, saw the Statute of Liberty and saw Billy Elliot The Musical on Broadway. I met up with her Monday for dinner at this little French Restaurant. Good times!

I don't really have anything new to report. I'm loving working at the senior home. Can you believe I've already been there for a month? Time sure flies by. I love all of my little old people; they're so funny too. Class has been amazing, still. I'm still making breakthroughs and new discoveries every night which is obviously extremely awesome. My good friend, Gyasi or "G" that I made friends with at Macy's is moving to Philly next weekend, so I'm going to be helping him move on Saturday. That stinks because him and Julie are my closest friends here. Oh well, we'll stay friends still; it just stinks that he won't be in the city.

Yesterday I was at Macy's to say hi to my friends because I was in the area and I walked passed the Calvin Klein jeans and they were on sale for $29.99, originally $70. So, of course I tried on a few pairs and ended up buying one, which by the way, I went down one size which is awesome. At work I've been doing pilates and crunches and stuff so that I can at least do something when people aren't in the pool, and might as well make it a bit of a workout, right? So, that's cool that that's working. I've only been doing it for like 2 weeks. So, hopefully more results soon! whoo!

I got a haircut yesterday which was much needed and it turned out so well. I would take a picture, but I haven't taken a shower yet today, nor do I plan on taking one or getting ready at all, so the picture will have to wait for another day. :)

Alright, sorry this blog wasn't so super interesting, but my brain isn't working. If I think of anything, I'll be sure to come back and type it up. Until then, have a good day!

Oh, New York.

A lot has happened between my last post and this one, I'll try to summarize.

I started working as a lifeguard at the senior residence home. So far, so good. I love those old people. They're so funny. Everyday, the issue is the pool temperature and whether it's too cold or whatever. In actuality, the heater is never touched and is consistently at the same setting, so really, it's all in their heads. haha. Oh well. If you didn't have something to complain about, you wouldn't be human I guess.

Class went well this week. We, the students, realized that we're progressing fine individually, but it's sort of hard because the ensemble feeling isn't necessarily there anymore. Last semester we spent so much time building up an ensemble and making it comfortable. Coming into this new term, we've all changed and transformed and so now we have to get re-used to these new selves. It's a process, but it will work out fine eventually. I know I've definitely changed. I've definitely transformed into a more grounded individual that allows the creativity and imagination to flow a lot more freely...which is what I wanted.

It's funny when you meet people and you never know if you'll ever see them again. That's how I felt when I left Moscow, but I was proven wrong twice - once when Mariana came to New York and this weekend when my friend, Polina, is here. She is a fourth year student at the Moscow Art Theatre. She, along with her class, came to do performances over at the Baryshnikov Arts Center. So, of course I went. Before that, I had the opportunity to walk around with Polina and talk and showed her Rockefellar Center and stuff. It was so nice to talk to her and hang out again. Then I went to the show, and brought my friend Valerie. Konstantin Reikin was also in the show. He was the actor that played King Lear, Richard III, and MacBet over in Moscow at the Satiricon theatre. I'm sure you remember my writings on him and how brilliant of an actor he is and his amazing transformations with each character in my Moscow Blog. Anyway, this was a terrific show. The detail and specificity each actor represented within their characters and what these characters were doing was exceptional. It was so nice to see a piece of Russian Theatre again. When it was over, my friend Valerie turned to me and was like "I want to study at the Moscow Art Theatre. That was some of the best acting I have ever seen, and I've sat in at casting calls, gone to Broadway, but they were amazing." I was like, uh, yeah. So, then I briefly told her about their insane schedule of classes, rehearsals, etc. She was amazed. So good. I'm so glad I was able to go. I'm supposed to meet up with Polina today because she leaves for Moscow tomorrow.

Last night, Julie got me in to see the sold out show at her theatre company. It was called Synesthesia. It was a very creative and imaginitive show and the idea was really cool. There were ten sequences with ten different artists. It started off with a poet who opened a fortune cookie. (The audience doesn't know the fortune until the very end of the show.) Based on that fortune, she makes up a poem. Based on that poem, an artist does a painting, based on that painting, a theatre group does a scene. Based on that scene, a comedian does a piece. Based off that, a dancer choreographs a dance. After that a comic. Then a composer writes music. Then a baker made a chocolate. So, it's kind of like the game of telephone. Then at the very end, the fortune is read and we get to think back on how everything correlated. It was very interesting and very cool to watch. Each section had two weeks to come up with their piece. I love creative and totally different theatre like this, combining all art forms to create art.

Danielle is coming this weekend, so that should be fun/cool. She's staying Friday-Wednesday. So, I'll be able to hang out with her Friday-Sunday, and then she's on her own til Wednesday because I will be working. The following weekend, Leah is coming to visit Friday-Sunday. That should be fun too. It's great to have visitors. I'm excited to come home over Easter; it will be nice to see the family and get a little break from the city life.

Ok. Well, I'm off to attempt to be productive. :)

Sunday Evening.

I made a meat loaf while Branden was here. It was my first time. I thought it was kind of funny and very conventional of myself. It was fun and interesting to make and turned out to be EXCELLENT!

What an eventful week, first off. I began classes at Studio 5 again on Monday, had my last day at Macy's on Friday, and began training for my new lifeguarding job yesterday. whew. Busy, busy, but it's totally ok.

I'll start off with class. This week we focused a lot on just getting re-familiar with your own body. It's important to be free and at ease (as you know from previous entries) in order to fulfill the character. Anyway, we did some mask work to re-iterate the thinking, feeling, and will centers. Each character/human being in general leads from one of those centers. I, personally, have a feeling center. These masks help an actor to get in touch with one of these different centers and awaken it and strengthen it for character work. After that, we did character work. Envisioning a character, stepping into it, walking as the character. One night, we made up two more characters after that and the next task was to transition from one character to the next and so on. The most important part wasn't necessarily being the character, but focusing on the transition between characters. By focusing on the transition, I was more aware of the journey that this character may have taken in life. For example, it helped to explain why one character limped, one stood up straight, and one was skipping. It was really beneficial. This week really made me feel good about all my training, as well. I was finally at a point where I have strived to be. To be able to step into a character, and BE the character. I've always had trouble with that. I thought I was doing it correctly, but I never fully allowed the characters to exist. I was really happy and proud of myself. It showed that my instincts to go to wayne state, moscow, and here, have, once again, steered me in the right direction. I'm excited to see where it takes me when I apply dialogue, emotions, etc. But, so far, so good. :) This will be a great semester.

Last week, before I went out one day, I decided to check for jobs online. There was a lifeguard one. I literally spent all of 5 minutes copying and pasting my cover letter and resume and sending, and being on my way. I didn't think about it again...until they called me that is. I had an interview. They liked me and wanted to take me on board. Finally! All of these months of praying and applying have finally paid off. I went along and filled out the paperwork for the background check, took the drug test, and started my training yesterday. I will be a lifeguard at a senior residence home in Battery Park right off the Hudson, at the tip of Manhattan. it's a Monday through Friday job 7:45am-3pm. This works perfectly with my class schedule at Studio 5 which is from 6:30pm-10pm. It should be kind of slow, only like 4 swimmers a day, so when no one's in the pool, I can read or whatever, which is cool. What I'm most excited about is that I will be able to pay my bills! Whoo!

I had my final day at Macy's on Friday. I was obviously really excited about that, however, I was also a little sad because the friends I've made in Lacoste are so great. They were my first friends here in New York and I loved being able to see them everyday. We'll obviously still stay in touch, it's just always hard to say goodbye to people. Sort of on that same note, I sent a note into the GPW pool letting them I know I wouldn't be working there this summer. THAT was so hard to do, believe it or not! That was my first job, I pretty much grew up there and with some of the people I still work with there. Knowing I wouldn't be spending my summer there really hit me that I'm growing up, moving on. It's not a bad thing by any means, just bittersweet when you actually sit and think about it. I'll definitely miss it.

I wanted wine while I was at the grocery store today and all they had was this $3.19 bottle of berry flavored wine. That's what I picked up and am currently drinking a glass of. It tastes like juice. haha.

I FINALLY cleaned my room today. I was so productive today it was kind of sickening. I woke up really early and ventured out to do my laundry. Got done with that, and headed over to Target to pick up a shelving unit for some of my clothes because they don't all fit in my closet. I got a 6 cube thingy and one cloth drawer for my underwear that fits into it. I need to get one more drawer when I get the chance...next weekend. Anyway, when I got home, I MASSIVELY cleaned my room and changed it around. It literally took me all day...I finished at 5pm. I dusted, swept, threw stuff away, re-organized. It was ridiculous, but long overdue. I just havent had the time lately to go through everything and super clean. Hopefully it'll stay like this for a long while. I'm not a messy person and it was getting way too out of hand. Below are pictures of my new room. I also FINALLY put up posters and pictures. The room actually looks like someone lives in it now intead of someone renting it out for a few weeks. :) It reminds me very much of a dorm room or a college apartment room. oh well. It's a lot better. Also, I've made a makeshift chair until I buy one. I'm sitting on one of my crates with a blanket over it. It's working perfectly and is helping me with my posture. haha.

That's my new 6 shelved storage unit.

I moved my computer near the window and shifted my bookshelf and tv across the room. And of course, added the beach posters.

The bed is on the opposite side of the room and the computer is by the window. That crate (with a blanket on top) is my perfect little computer chair. :)

The crates again and my two beach posters.

Exciting moment of the weekend: I went to a speakeasy last night! haha. What up 1920's prohibition blast from past. My friend Julie heard about some still in New York, so she found one and we went. I had the address. I arrive and the address is for something else, I walk a littler further and the numbers are going up. I realize in between the two buildings there is a little staircase leading down with a man standing by it. I ask him if this is The Backroom, he confirms and asks for my id and soon lets me down the stairs. I'm now in a narrow hallway dimly lit that kind of made me think of a clean sewer...It then opened up into an enclosed alley. Firescapes are strewn about scaling the buildings. I walk up to the door that the music is coming from and am taken back in time. Inside, the walls were covered with velvet red wallpapers with a simple design, with wood paneling finishing off the wall halfway. Paintings from the 1920's and earlier are hanging on the walls. Two small crystal chandeliers dimly lit the main area which let up a four stair wooden staircase to a balcony lounge level with little lamps on the tables and sconses on the walls. Beverages were served in teacups and bottled beers were served in brown paper bags. It was quite an event. It was such a different experience and so cool to be a part of. This is one of those places that tourists would never know about; you would need to know someone in the city. I love hidden treasures like this place because it has that finesse that is uniqe and one of it's own.

I saw Billy Elliot The Musical on Broadway on the 5th. Honestly, one of the best shows currently on Broadway. I had never seen the movie so I didn't really know what to expect or what the show was even about for that matter. I fell in love with it though. The choreography alone was enough to kill me it was so amazing. The sets, scene changes - amazing. The lighting was phenomenal. The main kid's talent - sick. He was so ridiculously talented. He was brilliant. One of the songs that the grandma sings has the company of guys doing a movement dance on the side of the stage that was BRILLIANT. I was freaking out in my seat hitting Julie because that is exactly the type of theatre I love. Movement theatre. Portraying a story through movements. It was such a beautiful moment, so fluid, so full of ease. I recommend this show to anyone for sure.

Well, I think might wrap this up and head to bed soon. Tomorrow is my first day of work at the new job. Have a good night.

Backspace, Erase, Control Alt Delete

I went to write a text message this evening and wrote out the first half. Then I wrote out the second half. Before I sent the text, I re-read it and deleted the second half. Next, I pressed send. Then a thought occurred to me. How often do I really say only half of what I really want or need to say? What an imposing question, right? But, honestly, if you sit and think about how often you press that backspace button on the computer, or use that eraser on your pencil, or use that little voice in your head that says "don't say it," you hold back on a lot. This may or may not be a good thing. It is, however, an issue that really made me think. This little move evokes more details out of the bigger picture. How often do we erase memories we don't want to remember, or people we want to forget, or moments that were not important enough to to retain? How much of our life is spent living and how much of it is spent erasing what has been? Friends ask me if I remember certain moments that happened days, months, or years ago, and sometimes I absolutely have no recollection of it ever happening. I feel like I have a memory problem because I truthfully can't even find a correlation in my brain to the story they may be telling. Then I may look like the dumb one because I've forgotten it all...or have I? These past few months I have lived more freely, more moment to moment, day to day, and I feel I remember more of what it going on, what is happening around me. It may be because I am not so concerned about the future or the past, but instead the present at that exact moment. THIS is what is important. Taking in every moment is important because you never know when those moments will be gone. I'm not just talking about death, but about illnesses, brain injuries, Alzheimers. (Sidenote: I almost deleted that last sentence. I kept it to prove a point to myself.) I'm not trying to be negative by any means, I'm actually being positive and optimistic. I'm seeing that we, society, myself, we all need to live more moment to moment, day to day, take it all in. Don't delete your life or your words, if they're your thoughts, they are important, no matter what context they may take. I'm learning more and more everyday that being yourself is one of the most important things one can do in life.

I think that may be all I have to say tonight.

Love.

(another sidenote: I meant to type "Live"...the typo turned out to spell "Love." I kept it. They both apply.)

What should this title be...

Well, for the past week I've had my friend Branden from Wayne State staying with me. It was so nice to have a good friend staying over. He was here auditioning for the mass grad school auditions called URTA's. What a process. You go into the first audition and audition in front of two people. These two people decide if you can go onto callbacks - which are in front of all of the schools. If you do not get passed on, you can go to the open call, which is in front of all of the schools, as well, but you only get one minute to do one monologue instead of two minutes for two monologues. Then, schools call you back and you get a private interview/audition with them. What Branden also did, was walk around to the different schools' hotel rooms and sign up to audition for seperate schools. You can pay the application fee and schedule yourself a private audition and interview as well. So, he was busy auditioning all week. We went out a few times which was fun. He enjoyed the eclectic mix of places and bars we went to, as well as all of my friends that he met.

One of the shows we saw this week was Shrek: The Musical, which was actually a lot of fun. It was a fun, family show. I was honestly surprised. I think it was so enjoyable because it was supposed to be cheezy, it was supposed to be making fun of itself, and it worked. The sets were pretty sweet, and they had a rotating stage that they used to show the walking through the forests, etc. The lighting was used very well to highlight the action, change the scene, set the mood. And then there was the dancing. Some of it was very simple - changing lines, grapevine, jazz squares, but it was fun none the less. Then the break out tap number was hilarious. A lot of laughs, good times. I would recommend it to anyone who just wants to have a good time or wants to bring their kid to something on Broadway that they will enjoy. If you're looking for a truly outstanding Broadway show, go see In the Heights.

I had a lot of visitors this week, actually. Marianna, our "dorm mom" while in Moscow, traveled to New York this past week. So, I was able to visit with her and grab a coffee and catch up. It was so nice to see her again. It's crazy because you meet people from all over, and you never know when your paths will cross again, especially with someone who lives literally on the side of the world. It was so great and I am really glad I was able to see her while she was here. My professors from Wayne State were also here, holding auditions for our grad program. So, I stopped in there to visit with them because they had called me to tell me they would be here. it was so nice to see them, as well. I was really close with all of my professors and love them all so much, so it was really great to see them. Unfortunately, I was only able to visit with them for a short time, but it was well worth it. We caught up, swapped stories, and exchanged hugs. Love it.

By working at Macy's, I've really grown a knack for wanting to travel. I've never really been much a world traveler (not until this year, I suppose, looking back...), but meeting people from all over the world while ringing them up in Lacoste has really made me want to visit their countries or hometowns. Most of the people I meet are so nice, so generous, so happy...I would love to see what they call home. Eventually, I will travel more. Even if I have just enough money to take a trip, I will do it. You only live once, why not experience it all. Sometimes, I feel like people shoot for the stars, but I shoot for a whole different galaxy. It's good to have goals and dreams. Where would be without them? And how amazing they are when they come true. Love it.

Class starts back up Feb. 9, I'm really excited for that. I'm so anxious and excited to see where the journey this semester takes me. One more week! ahh!!! And, I'm even more excited to see what will happen when this journey comes to an end and yet another new beginning emerges at the beginning of May. Life is thrilling.

Well, I guess I will close this blog with some pictures of my friends and I because I haven't posted any in a while. Take care, and if you're in Michigan, bundle up! :)

Branden and I his first night in the city.

50 Cent Beer night at my favorite bar. It's located on the Upper West Side. Here are some of my co-workers from Lacoste that had come out this evening.

Marianna and I at Starbucks.

This is my friend Julie, who I met through a friend from Wayne State, Melissa. Julie is good people. It's nice to find someone truly real and not fake like many others.

Have a wonderful day.

Everybody has a story...

Tonight while riding the subway home, I sat all the way in the back in a seat facing into the car; facing all of the other people. I really looked around at the people and energy that filled this train. Wow. Every single one of their faces held such a story unlike any others, however none were clearly detailed obviously. There were faces of sadness, tiredness, distractedness, happiness; it's such an interesting and intriguing find. I just wanted to give them all a hug and make their sadness go away. Maybe one day, I will. I do, however, flash a smile, and you know what they say about that - a simple smile can make all the difference in one's day. It's proved true for me many times. So, smile at someone today because you never know how good that might make them feel.

I've encountered and become friends with some genuinely nice and truthful people. Who cares, right? WRONG. It's so hard to find actual, true friends nowadays. Sure, it's easy to find someone to go out to the bar with, whatever, but to find someone you know you can count on is a different thing. And, to have those two qualities combines into the same person? I'm a lucky individual. God has really blessed me with many good things. Although life is consistently a roller coaster with a very bumpy ride, there's always the good that makes it go smoother.

I have a very low tolerance for cold. I have to have all of my blankets on me, the heater on, and a sweatshirt on in order to fall asleep warm. I step outside and I'm fine. About 30 seconds of being outside and my shoulders are hunched, body shaking, and teeth chattering. In the movie theatre, it's ridiculous for me to even think about taking off my coat because I'll just have to put it back on. Crazy! So why, then, did I move to another cold city? Ha. Funny question, really. You'd think I would move somewhere warm like Florida or California (California being the better choice here). However, it is not as cold as Michigan is right now, thank goodness. No matter what the temperature is, though, I love New York. I really do. Everything about it...except the cold. :) Just a few more months and it'll be spring and I'll forget all about it.

Identity. This is something in which someone classifies themselves with whether it be a label, a color, a name, a number, etc. It is also something that people search for within themselves to define themselves. Many people spend their entire lives trying to find their identity, their true self, their inner being. I'm here to admit I'm definitely still on this road. Do we ever really know who we are though? We know what we believe in, we know the facts as they occur to us, we know our surroundings, we know what we like and what we don't like. Should these things define you? Should they label you? I don't know. I think as long as you know enough about yourself, you're fine. As long as you know you, for example, don't like cheese, but like yogurt, that's a for sure thing for yourself and helps identify you for yourself. This was definitely a tangent, but it makes sense. You are what you believe yourself to be. Enjoy that road to self discovery, I hope I'm treading this road until the day I die. How fascinating to discover something new about yourself everyday. Awakening to your life's purpose, right?

What a year.

So many people say how their life should be a reality TV series. I firmly believe my family was MEANT for a reality tv series. First off, there are seven of us, including the cute little beagle/terrier, Cassie, who is pretty much a human anyway. So, right off the bat - there are 7 different personalities, different lives, all staying under the same roof over the holidays; definitely an entertaining experience for any viewers or visitors. Shirts are missing, someone's in the bathroom too long, someone criticized someone else, someone breaking something, hogging the TV or computer, running late for Christmas dinner or mass. Great. It just sounds like we're the typical family with all the "moments" every family has. Wrong. We have better moments. So, we have all of these crazy times, but the reason our reality tv show would be a success is because we have all of those "entertaining moments," but we also have all of ones to counterbalance - the movie nights, game nights, going out to grab a coffee with the sister, going to the bar with the brother, rolling on the floor with Cassie, and more. We're such a close family. I'm good friends will both my brothers and my sister and through good and bad, we're always there for each other, as well as my mom and dad. We have all of the balancings in that on Colony Street to make for a great show that people all over can relate to and grow to love. I couldn't have imagined spending my holidays anywhere else. What a great trip home.

2009 brought with it a good energy, a better vibration and frequency within the world. I've smiled more these past 9 days than I did for the month of December, I'm pretty sure of it. I'm not a depressed being or anything like that, I'm actually very positive and optimistic. 2008, although it was full of life experiences and teachings that will remain with me forever, was a tough year - in every sense of the word. I know that that can ring true for many, many people. I'm excited for 2009. I have a good feeling about it.

I realized the other day while out with my friend Liliana, how many completely different people I have come across and gotten to know over the years. It's amazing. Truly amazing. You hear stories of what people have accomplished, how they grew up, where they're from, where they're heading, their beliefs; the book could write itself. I think I'm going to do that. Write a book. Each chapter being a different character I've encountered. I think it will make for an excellent experience and read because most of the people I have drawn to me have been of good energy. We'll see what happens. It's crazy how you can meet someone for only a few minutes and in those few moments, they've influenced your life in such a way you'll never forget. What a crazy thing this world is.

As hard as things get here, I'm really enjoying my life here and have come to call this place my home. I'm more comfortable, learning new things, and have made some good friends. I didn't really realize that that was how I felt until I was coming back here from St. Clair Shores. I was excited. Friends knew I was coming back and were calling. It was such a different feeling from the last few times I had come back or gone home. My house on Colony will always be my home, but it's nice to know I can call somewhere so far away home also.

I had some really great thoughts to write when I wanted to write the other day, but I can't remember them. Sorry. :) I'm off to work. Have a great day.