Sometimes...

Sometimes, you just never know what God is thinking. He sets you onto this uncharted course (well for you it's uncharted) and then leaves you to figure it out, navigate your way without any sort of compass, deal with the obstacles and everything else that gets in the way, and still continue on this path. At the end of the day - you're still you. You have a new lesson learned under your belt, an accomplishment of the day to look back on, and the joy or anxiety of knowing it's going to happen all over again the next day. :) Man, what a journey life is.

Although I just recently moved to New York and have made a handful of friends, many of which could be classified as being in different groups, they are all good friends. I've had three invitations for Thanksgiving, not out of pity because I wasn't going home, but because they really wanted me there. I was kind of surprised because I have only known them for a few months, but the compelling and honest generosity was beautiful. I have, of course, chosen one - the first person to ask me. So, it's nice to know that I won't be alone on Thanksgiving. We're all going to be bringing something to the feast - Julie and I are in charge of two pies. In the morning of Thanksiving, Patrick and I are going to head to midtown to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I don't know if this will be an every-year occurrance because Lord knows how cold it will be (and the thoughts of those freezing Thanksgiving days on Woodward for the parade give me chills still. IT WAS SO COLD. sorry dad, I enjoyed it, but I hate the cold, you know this). However, my first year in New York, I will layer it up, grab a hot chocolate or coffee or both, and be on my way to 34th Street for the biggest Thanksgiving Day Parade in the country. It's kind of exciting.

It's funny how a lawyer and a few choice and assertive words can get someone to do something. Stupid, really, but funny nonetheless. My landlord hasn't taken care of the problem I've been having, and luckily my mom works for a law office, all they had to do was call and bam it's done. Why didn't I think to do that two weeks ago when I first began calling the landlord. Oh man. Whatever, it's being taken care of. People are just weird, selfish, and stupid. God bless them and once I move it, I won't convene with folks like him.

As you may or may not know, I love reading. However, I also hate it. I love it because, well, let's face it, what's better than a good back wrapped in a blanket? That's what I thought. I hate it because once I'm into a back, I can't stop thinking about it until I finish it. Meals are skipped (unintentionally, but I get so enthralled, I forget), bedtimes are set to a later time, dreams revolve around the storyline, conversations during the day are asking people/friends if they've read that particular book so that I can talk about it with them. It's like it becomes this sick obsessions. I guess it's a better obsession than drugs or alcohol. haha. What's even worse, is if the book is in a series. OH MAN! Then, at the end of one book, you're left with this cliffhanger and you're desperately wanting to read the next one as soon as you can get your hands on it, but soon is never soon enough! ANYWAY, what brought this on was that Danielle in the summer wanted me to read Twilight. I left the book at home on accident. Julie bought the book and had me read it. I was obsessed. It's not necessarily the greatest book, but there's the element of mystery and intense forward motion I love. You never know what's coming next and you can't wait to turn the page. So, I am now obsessed with this series. I started and finished the first book, Twilight, this weekend. The hours went by so fast. Julie just bought the second book, but is reading it. She's almost done, though, but that means I can't start it until I get home tonight. That stinks! Oh, the impatience. I'll survive.

I've discovered this before, but yesterday I practiced it again - writing makes you feel better. It really does. When your mind is so full and your head is heavy, let your mind explode onto a piece of paper through a pen, and BAM. Your hand flows without you even thinking and you feel ten million times better. It's like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders because you go out everything you wanted to, and a lot that you didn't even know you had hiding. Yesterday, I went to Starbucks and wrote....I wrote for an hour and a half and didn't even realize it. I then came to the realization that I'm pretty sure I'm going to write a book one day. It's not necessarily something I want to do, but it's a feeling I have that it's going to happen. I think it's going to be about your body, healing, and acting. It's gonna be good. I don't know this will happen, but I think it will. I think it's so weird when I get strange feelings like that; like I know for certain about something. For instance, I knew I was going to go to Wayne State before I even applied, I knew I would be in the BFA program before I auditioned, I knew I would o to Moscow, and knew I would audition for Studio 5 and be here now. Hopefully my next instinct of I know the next step of my life will happen from being here, is true because after Studio 5 I don't know what's up yet. :) but that's ok.

I apologize that the updates haven't been as frequent (dad, haha), but I'll try to keep on it. Until next time, amigoes.

It's not snowing here yet...

Yesterday I went ice skating in Bryant Park and 42nd St. with my friend Jacob from class. This was his first time EVER ice skating. How crazy. Anyway, the ice wasn't the greatest, but if you brought your skates it was free. I like free things. :) Anyway, it was a lot of fun. Very peaceful. It obviously reminded me of old times. I was kind of nervous/anxious to see if I'd even be able to skate, or what I would remember. Well, Marisa was right when she said that when I go back and skate, it's like riding a bike; it takes a minute to get used to it again, but you can jump right back in the swing of things. I think, also, since I've been active since I finished skating, it wasn't that hard of a transition. But, I was able to do a one foot spin super fast like usual, my sit spin, really fast and pretty low with all of the revolutions. I tried a sit back sit, but I think because of my heavy coat and jeans, it threw me off. I didn't fall, but I had to come out of the spin early than I would have liked to. I tried a waltz jump, and it was great. Those are easy though. If there weren't so many people watching, and it hadn't been 5 years since I last skated, I probably would have tried more jumps. But from the size and control of my waltz jump, I'm fairly certain I could have done an axel or double sow double toe loop no problem. That, to me, is pretty amazing. Muscle memory. The body remembers no matter how long it's been. So, that was a ly of fun and I really miss it. I'm going to have to skate more this season.

Yesterday was kind of one of those off days. It wasn't a bad day, but it wasn't the best day; it was just kind of weird. Ya know? Something, also, has been looming over me like a dark cloud, but I haven't figured out what it is yet, but it's annoying. Oh well.

Well, this weekend, I have Saturday AND Sunday off. How weird, right? I think I might ask to work one of those days, though, because I could use the money and I really don't need a day off. What would I do with a day off? Weird. haha.

ok, I have to go make lunch and dinner and get ready for work and class. Long day. Peace.

Autumn in the city

Sometimes you just need a break, whatever a "break" may entail. For me, this week, it was for me to get some fresh air. I am constantly inside except when walking to and from the subway station. So, this past Wednesday I had off and decided to travel around the city and breathe in some of this autumn air. I didn't really have a destination, just ideas. One thing I definitely wanted to do was go to Central Park and see the changing colors of the leaves. There really aren't that many trees by my apartment so I'm kind of getting cheated on that aspect of Fall. So, I took a long walk from 34th Street over to Central Park.

Wow...This was the perfect thing for me to be doing that day. The weather was a perfectly Autumn brisk day; cold enough for coat and scarf, but without the need for gloves and a hat. The smell of the fall air with the leaves falling from the trees = amazing. The vivid colors all around made for endless photo opportunities. I felt so peaceful the entire time walking around Central Park by myself, now and then asking a stranger to take a picture of me. It's interesting how a day alone, walking around outside letting your thoughts go wherever they may travel, a coffee in one hand, and the perfect weather, can just alter your mood, inner life, and pace of your body. I slowed down, breathed in every moment, and was thankful for this opportunity to enjoy nature in the center of such a sky-scraper dominated city. Below are pictures are of my experience.

This was one of my first sights when I entered the park. I knew I was in for an incredibly amazing experience. It already looks like something about of a storybook.

The path I continued walk down. I loved the different heights, shapes, sizes, colors, bareness, fullness, everything about all of the shubbery and trees here.

When I saw this, I was instantly reminded of Robert Frost's Poem "The ones less taken"...
-"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I took the one less traveled by..."-

If you remember my blogs from the summer and early September, then you'll remember this spot. This is the big grassy area in Central Park that i like to go to and read and chill out. Still beautiful, if not more so.

This was one of my favorites pictures. I loved the way the tree framed the rest of the trees and made for such a magical forest type of feel to the environment. Absolutely stunning the way nature has its ways of astounding us with it's beauty.

The fountain. This was the first time I actually found the fountain, and funny enough, it's maybe 5 minutes away from my spot in Central Park. ha. funny.

I think this is picture is beautiful - the angle of it, the way the water is falling, the fountain in juxtaposition with the colorful tree line in the back and me up in front.

I was in love...absolutely in love with this Autumn.

After my little getaway through the fairytale that was Central park for me that day, I decided to take the normal tourist pictures in the city that I had yet to take. Hence, the pictures below.

I visited Rockefeller Center. Instead of the it being surrounded by flags from all the nations, it was surrounded by American flags in honor of the election. Love it. The ice rink is a lot smaller than I remember it being, also. I want to skate on it. :)

Here is the conventional, but always appealing and exciting, Times Square picture. I actually really like how it turned out though, surprisingly.

St. Patrick's Cathedral. Absolutely beautiful. The way the sun was hitting this magnificent Cathedral made it all the more heavenly.

And that was my tour of the city for my Wednesday morning/afternoon. Needless to say, after all of that walking and everything, I was dead tired and took a nap before class. :) Class, by the way, is consistently getting more and more exciting and deep, and I am constantly learning more and more about acting, my body, my voice, and my self. What an amazing 3 1/2 hours of exploration and investigation four days a week. I'm very judgmental of myself when it comes to acting and everything, and we did exercises to kill the critic, as well as acknowledge and let it speak, which was extremely beneficial and helpful.

Here's a very interesting thought. As you know, I'm deaf in one ear. However, yesterday on the subway was the first time I've ever actually noticed I'm deaf. That sounds stupid, but it makes sense to me. It was like I was living outside of myself or something. I was very aware of the fact that listening to my earphones, I could only hear the music on one side and it was completely silent on the other. However, at the same time, it was like I could hear music only in one ear, and yet I could hear all of the surrounding noise and conversations in the subway car clear as day - from my bad ear. It's kind of difficult to explain, but even more bizarre to experience. I don't know what happened, what was going on, or what, but it was crazy and neat. It felt sort of like I had a super power. Maybe it was because I was so aware of my body and so in tune to everything inside of me that it expanded onto everything else? Not sure.

Well, another full week already at an end setting up for a new week to begin. I'm off to bed because I work early in the morning. Have a pleasant evening.

Where to even begin...

All I can start off by saying is - I survived this week, and that in itself is a feat. God puts obstacles in your way, hurdles for you to jump over, and mountains for you to hike - all to make you stronger, wiser, and an ultimately well rounded individual capable of anything afterward. Well, this week, God threw them all at me and some them hit me smack in the face and knocked me over. However, today was the beginning of a new week and although I woke up with a headache because I stayed out too late last night, I also woke up with a smile. A smile for the journey that's ahead and the better person I am/will become. I'm not going to bore you with the details of this week was a train wreck, but instead on how, even though it was hard, there were many positive notes.

The highlight of the week would have to be Tuesday, November 4 - Election Day. Not only is this a day that will forever be a memorable moment in history for Americans and the world, but also for me. The best place to be for this election was New York, and I have NEVER seen fellow Americans act the way they did that evening. Let me start from the beginning.

Tuesday evening we went to class and got out at 9pm to go across the hall to Per and Aole's apartment to watch the election happenings and drink champagne and wine and eat fine chocolates and dorito's. The excitement in the air was indescribable because the polls were leaning toward Obama already. After some ridiculousness on our parts and being glued to to the TV, the results finally showed and Obama had won. Screams, cheers, hugs all around - an amazingly joyous moment for us all in the room, as well as everyone in the streets. We headed to the local bar and watched his acceptance speech. Silence. An overly crowded bar, packed shoulder to shoulder, and you could here every word that Obama spoke and very breath he inhaled. At peak moments in the speech, cheers and yells of excitement filled the room. At the end of the speech we left. People out on the streets were yelling and chanting Obama. For this single night, everyone united. The spirit, the hope, the commodore exemplified by each individual regardless of race, sex, sexual orientation, height, weight, was magical. I was proud. When I was in St. Petersburg and the Russian soccer team got into the finals for the first time ever and the country united, and everyone was excited; people dancing in the streets, hugging, high fiving, singing. I wanted this. I wanted our nation to unite over one single triumph and enjoyable moment to make us want to go out into the streets and dance and hug, and sing. Well, on November 4, 2008, sooner than I expected, that wish came true. That feeling of euphoria that the Russians felt was exactly what so many Americans around the country felt. Obama's spirit, personality, positive energy - that is what America needs right now. I know he will lead us to great things and make the nation, and the world for that matter, a better place. I'm glad I was a part of this moment in history and it will forever be embedded in my memory.

- Studio 5 Conservatory -
My classmates and I with PerBrahe and Aole the night of the election.

I had some breakthroughs in class, also, as an artist and individual. First off, I've been very judgmental on my abilities to produce my craft efficiently and well enough. I need to stop that. haha. I have the habit of doing that when things get rough in life. It, in turn, stands in the way of me working to my fullest capacity and to the best of my ability. I had many moments, though, where I left that judgment behind. We worked one day on singing from the body; letting the body take you in the direction it wants to go - sort of like improv I suppose. Once you're grounded and present in yourself, it's surprising to see where your body can take you - the dance moves, the notes you hit, the story you tell, the songs you sing, the rhythms you pop out. It's very liberating and freeing, which is necessary for the actor on stage. Another exercise another day worked with the Juliet monologue we've been working on. We received an image and had to in turn work the Juliet piece as that image and over exaggerate. This helped with freeing the body for the text which allowed newer images to flood the imagination and bring the text alive in a different way. It was great to get this alternate viewpoint as to what "Juliet" would be doing or thinking or whatever at the moment.

Last night, I went to see Strindberg's "The Father" at LaMama Theatre down in the East Village with two classmates because one of our instructors, Raina, was the lead female in it. It was in a smaller theatre, maybe 100 seats if that. She was phenomenal. The character choices, the way she brought the text alive, the intensity in which she delivered the role, the transformation she took on within this character - all of it blew me away. My hope is that I can have the stage presence and power she exemplified throughout the performance. Absolutely phenomenal and stunning. Aftwerward, the three of us went to grab a bite to eat. They went home and my friend Julie and my new friend Jake from Macy's came out and met me down there. We went to a bar called Grassroots which had some cheap drinks and talked, and it was a blast. I had so much fun chilling with good people, talking, relaxing, and having a genuine good time. It was much needed and so much fun. It reminded of the fact that, yes, money is an issue and it always will be, but you need to take that time for yourself. Spend that extra $10 on yourself and have fun. You WILL drive yourself CRAZY if you don't. Today I woke up in a good mood ready to take on the world, and why? Because I ended the week on such a high note with good friends and good times. What more could you ask for? Times are hard, the economy sucks, but you need to find those moments that will get you through it and make you smile. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel, a door opened when another is closed, and sun after a rainy day. Keep the faith and keep riding that roller coaster we call life because the road will lead to an amazing place one day. I believe it. You should too.

Keep your fingers crossed that Wednesday is going to be a beautiful fall day in the city. I'm hoping so because the leaves are all changing color and falling off of the trees, and what better way to get a feel for fall in the city then go to Central Park and enjoy all the beautiful colors? I chose Wednesday because Wednesday is my next day off. :) I really hope it will be nice because that would be an amazing afternoon, and FREE. haha Don't worry, I'll post pictures.

Alright, well I think I am going to watch a movie with Julie before I fall asleep at a ridiculously early time again this evening. Have a wonderful evening.

Back in NYC

So, I traveled home for the weekend which was a much needed and pleasant trip. It definitely gave me that break I needed from the stress, busy-ness, and non-stop activity of being in the city. Being home also made me realize so many different things about myself, others, and the many differences between there and here. Here are a few:

NYC: You can go to a bar and dance however you want and no one will care, most likely they will join you. You can swing your hips, you can move your arms, you can shout and sing along, and no one thinks twice.
SCS: You start dancing and you're judged. Guys are not expected to know how to dance, so once you go out on the dance floor and start dancing "well," you're judged. You can only sing to certain songs because you're not supposed to know the words to "bad" songs.

NYC: No one drives and many more don't even have their licenses.
SCS: How would anyone survive with their license or their own car? It's a given you have both.

NYC: Finding a Taco Bell here is like finding a Sonic in SCS.
SCS: Taco Bells are located within a mile to two mile radius of each other.

NYC: You're supposed to dress trendy, nice...however, no matter what you are it's ok because it's your own style and people appreciate it, sometimes judged, but no one cares.
SCS: You wear something stylish or trendy, you're either gay, from New York, or had your girlfriend pick out your clothes.

NYC: People are in a rush, once in a while you get those friendly faces, but no one really wants to make eye contact with you.
SCS: People work to make eye contact with you and flash you a smile. They want to stop and say hello and start a conversation and tell you to have a nice day.

NYC: It's a rarity to run into someone you know, but it happens because let's face it, it is a small world.
SCS: Everywhere you go you run into at least one person you know - KMart, Coney Island, Shores Inn, CVS, you name it - you know someone.

NYC: I eat noodles and chicken I make.
SCS: Amazing Homecooked food.

NYC: Big city feeling to it.
SCS: Small town feeling to it.

NYC: New Good Friends.
SCS: Amazing Family and Friends I've had forever.

All in all, there's aspects I love and aspects I don't really like about both, but I am in love with both cities for their similarities and their differences. It was interesting because when mom was driving me to the airport I mentioned how different of a feeling it was from the last time I was driven to the airport. The nerves, anxiety, feeling of the unknown - all gone. I was at ease, relaxed, excited to tell my friends of my amazing time at home. I got back to my apartment and was excited to see Julie and Patrick and tell them about everything and reminisce about the weekend. At that moment, I knew FOR SURE this is where I'm supposed to be. Before I left for the weekend, I only had that feeling in class. However, since it was happening outside of class and when I first came back to the city, I know this is right for me. It's a beautiful thing to realize you're on the right track. If only I could foresee what else the future holds for me, but I guess I would rather not know...it would take away the excitement of when it happens.

In reflection to the Thanksgiving dinner I had yesterday: I give thanks for my loving family, my amazing friends, and for the joy of living and having the opportunity to follow and pursue my dreams.