And so it goes...

At the Rockefeller Tree

Well, tomorrow is Christmas Eve. All this waiting and anxiety to go home and see my family is finally about to come to a close and I will see them all tomorrow. :) I can't wait. Good luck to me trying to sleep tonight. haha.

It has been a very interesting past couple of weeks. Hard times and good times. I'll just focus on the good because I honestly forgot most of the bad. See, it wasn't even that important.

What I'm finding interesting is how some New Yorkers are spreading the Christmas spirit. They ask for directions and respond with "Thank you, Merry Christmas." They hold a door for you, you say thank you, they say "Merry Christmas." Random conversations are struck up while waiting in lines or for the subway which always end with a "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays." I love it. I love the sincerity and how genuine everyone is. Of course, there's just as many Scrooge's out there that push you out of the way to get where they need to go because they're consistently late and their life sucks blah blah, but the good definitely outweighs the bad here. I wish people were nice like this all the time. It's not so hard to flash a little smile and say hello or have a good day instead of having a grim face all day. I tell you, if more people smiled and laughed, this world would be such a different place. If I could live in a place with Christmas all year round, I would move there in a second...and hopefully there'd be a beach. :)


My friend Valerie and I headed out to Rockefeller Center last week to check out the tree and all of the decorations. First off, wow. Absolutely beautiful. Secondly, OH MY GOSH THE PEOPLE. There were so many people you could barely walk. You had to squeeze through people to get by. So, we went to the other side and watched the little area decorated with angels and other lights. Then headed down to the ice rink to look at the skaters and the tree. It was really a magical moment, as cheesy as that may sound. It was something you see in movies, but never really experience it, but I did that night. It definitely got me more into the Christmas mood.

Valerie and I at Rockefeller Center

Next we looked at Saks 5th Ave, which was across street, and the entire side of the building was covered with snowflakes. The the windows were each decorated with a part of the story from "Mike the snowflake." Really cool. Then we headed down 5th Ave to check out all the decorations in the windows and on the buildings of Tiffany's, Cartier, Louis Vuitton, etc. It was quite a great night and really amazing to experience.

Saks Fifth Ave.

I saw The Seagull on Broadway on Thursday night. This was the one show I have been wanting to see for a while and it was a limited engagement and actually closed on Sunday. So, I made my way up to 48th St. and Broadway early in the morning when the box office opened to buy myself a student ticket...and it was soooo worth the $25. When I saw the show at the MXAT in Moscow, I was so disappointed. But this production, I was thrilled with! There were obviously some acting/directing choices I may not have agreed with, like with any show, but overall loved it. One of the things that was really impressive was how they found the comedy within the plot of the play. The play is very depressing, all about being a disgrace in one's life, life doesn't mean anything, they hate themselves and everyone else, and most productions focus on these aspects and it makes for a boring production. Chekhov actually wrote the play as a comedy and for these lines to be delivered in a way that makes you laugh. They found the comedy in almost every line and had the audience's attention the entire three hours. The standout for me was Kristen Scott Thomas who played the role of the selfish, fame-thriving mother Arkadina. She was absolutely brilliant and lived the role so truthfully and believably. She was so interesting - everything had meaning, from the flick of a wrist to the intonation in a way she said a word. Breathtaking and beautiful. It was so nice to see such an amazing piece of theatre.

I found out my two friends that graduated with me from Wayne State, Holly and Jeremy, will be coming up to New York the 29th-2nd. They're helping move a friend back up here and driving with her to New York. So, they're going to stay with me from the 30th til they leave. I'm so excited to have friends in the city visiting me. I'll have to work everyday1-5, but that's ok. There's so much to do in the city anyway it doesn't even matter. They don't need me. On New Year's Eve we plan on going to Times Square and ringing in the New Year together. Afterward, my friend Taylor is holding a New Years Eve Party so we might head over there. They also want to see a show while they're here, so we might do that as well. It's going to be a lot of fun.

See you tomorrow if you're in the D! If now, have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! :)

I am a FRIENDS addict.

Four Christmases ago, Santa left me all ten seasons of FRIENDS under my stocking. I was in heaven. My favorite television show was now off the air after ten seasons, but I owned every episode to watch at my leisure. Throughout these past four years, I have watched the series as a whole 4 times, but have also put episodes on randomly. Does this mean I'm some sort of nerd? Probably. But that's 0k. Everyone has their thing - mine just happens to be this series. When living in Detroit, we didn't have cable. So, if we had a break for lunch or dinner in our busy schedule, we popped on a Friends episode. Love it.

It's interesting how something that meant one thing can have a whole different meaning at a different time. What this series was to me then as it is to me now, is so different. The series, as you may or may not know, takes place in New York. I'm understanding certain lines better, I know the places they are talking about, little comments pertaining to New York make more sense; it's so cool. I just finished the first episode of Season 8 where Rachel finds out she's pregnant, and there's this line that she has after Phoebe lies to her and says the pregnancy test was negative to see what her reaction would be: "How can I be upset over something I never had?" Wow. First off, what a great scene. Secondly, what a true statement, and it can be applied to everyone everywhere. So often, we spend so much of our time focusing on the could have been's and the would have been's or the future, that we frequently forget about the present. What about what you do have? What about the people that are there for you now? When was the last time you were truly content? You pay your bills, you have a loving family, you have a car, the luxury of buying a Starbucks coffee if you really want it; you may not be rich, live in a giant mansion, or fly to Italy every spring, but you're breathing. What more could you ask for? You can't be upset over something you never had. Be happy with the present because in essence - it's all you truly have. The past is past and the future isn't now. Of course have goals, but don't pass up your existence in the present moment because before you know it, it'll be gone.

Having an education is truly a blessing, and I'm just beginning to realize how valuable it really is. I always took it for granted - go to school, then high school, then college, then probably grad school. Get the A's, be on the honor roll, get the scholarships. All of this was always a given, and I know it's because my parents value education very strongly, which they should. I never realized how common it is for people to choose work over school, or to just squeeze by in their classes to pass, not necessarily caring about the grade just as long as they pass. I don't understand that, personally. If you're paying all this money, why not show up to class, do the homework, Ace the tests, do the research...Why would you want to go out into the world after you graduated with the basic understanding of your field when you could have gained an extensive knowledge by putting in a little effort? Call me an overachiever if you want, but I couldn't imagine not even trying. Good thing my parents put a good head on my shoulders. I just can't wait to be able to use my skills in the world. I'm pretty sure working at Macy's is making me dumber...and angrier. ha. So many rude people, con artists that throw fits because you won't exchange their fake clothing, and people who don't understand that when there's not a "sale" sign on one item it means it's not on sale. Ok, so maybe angry was a bad word choice, but annoyed, frustrated, irritated, and aggravated certainly fit the bill. It's amazing how I only work four hours and in that four hours I get enough people that get to me that by the time I leave I have a headache out of frustration. Whatever.

I met another neighbor today. Her name was Friday. So, I know Cookie and Friday. I used to know Kaleeah, but she moved to Connecticut. Oh, I also met Shandy, who lives on the first floor. I think I should legally change my name to Dequindre, pronounced De-kwon-dray. That's what my friends in the D call me anyway. Or Francesco. Something exotic. Well, I guess Frank is kind of exotic for Brooklyn. I'll keep my name.

Julie's aunt sent us a little fake Christmas tree. I love the Christmas season. it's funny because it doesn't really feel like Christmas yet. Maybe it's the weather, I'm not sure. Here, it's been fairly warm, and it rained the past two days. My past experience with Christmas was that it snowed, or was really cold, and that it didn't feel like spring. I'm not complaining, it's just throwing me off guard a little bit.

My newlywed friends, Crystal and Pete, officially moved from Chicago to LA two weeks ago. How fascinating. I was thinking today while walking down 34th Street about how crazy life turns out. Before, I only knew people in Michigan, except for my Uncle Tony in Florida. Now, I have acquaintances and friends all over the country, the world for that matter. How insane to think of the little shows and skits I would put on as a young kid with the neighbors and Danielle and now I'm living in New York City attempting to put that to work. How surreal, and yet it's life.

I think it's time for a break. It's about that time again where I'm starting to get frustrated with things and people for no apparent reason. This is about the time that I need to see family and friends from home. So, thank goodness in 12 days i will be there. :) In the meantime, I'll just breathe and take each moment for what it is.

I hope I don't fall asleep on Christmas Eve. I mean, I'd have been up since 6am that morning and then jet legged because of the two hour flight home. I'll be fine earlier in the day, but last time I had plans on the same day as a flight, I was in class and was literally falling asleep as I was moving around the room doing the exercises. oops. Well, we'll see what happens. If anything, I'll be shaking because I drank so much coffee. Or, I'll take a nap before I go to Aunty Ann's and Aunty Mary's and then Grandma's. I get to see Taylor also, and Leah of course. I haven't seen Taylor since Halloween weekend except for in pictures and she's getting so big so fast! So beautiful.

Ok, well, I'd love to write more, but I'm kind out of ideas because I'm tired and I've had this episode of Friends paused since I began writing this. So, good night. And I leave you with this:

"I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too...."

Bring on the rain

Yesterday it rained...a lot. It wasn't like horrible monsoons or anything, but enough to be annoying. However, the temperature was like it was spring out - 60 degrees or something. Not bad, kinda crazy for the middle of December.

Macy's still isn't getting any busier - even with Friends and Family week beginning yesterday. Hopefully things will be different today. Oh, and I looked at my paystub for this Friday. I officially hate taxes.

Last night I met up with a couple friends from Grosse Pointe on the upper west side, as well as one of my friends from work. We went to this bar on Amsterdam and 79th and between 9 and 11 bud light or coors cans were only 50 cents. That kind of night I can afford. haha. It was a really cool environment and I was hanging out out with good people. It kind of reminded me of a frat college type bar. There was a pool table in the back and it was just loud with cool music playing. It was a nice change.

Julie and I rented Narnia: Prince Caspian the other day. Wow. What a great movie. I really liked the first one and have been wanting to see this one, but I never really have time to see movies. It was really good. I recommend it to anyone that hasn't seen it. Tonight we're renting The Dark Knight because I haven't seen that either. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in the universe that hasn't seen that movie, but after tonight, I won't be. :)

I'm going to be making myself a schedule soon - sort of like a class schedule - to make sure I'm continuing to better myself through this break between semesters. For example, maybe one night work on monologues, dialects, another on stretching and dancing, another on movement and character, and so on. I think it will be beneficial and make use of my time off. I need to do something. Working at Macy's is not stimulating enough. However, one day I was talking to some customers from London and I ended up talking in response to them with an english accent without realzing it - the entire rest of the time I was helping them. I don't know if they realized it either. Anyway, now my manager wants me to come in and do accents with the customers because he thinks we'll get more sales if I can relate to them on a different level by saying I'm from London also. haha. He wants me to bring in different accents too. It'll be fun. We'll see.

Julie and I walked along the Brooklyn Bridge on Tuesday. It was so nice out and this was something we both wanted to do. It was a pretty nice walk, and the Manhattan skyline was pretty incredible behind us. We walked from Manhattan to Brooklyn and then took the subway back to the apartment. I was thinking while walking across it how much we take certain things for granted - like bridges. That thing is so big. I can't imagine how it was build it. Insane. Anyway, I'm grateful for the bridge builders. :) What a weird rant I just went on.

On the Brooklyn Bridge.

On the Brooklyn Bridge with the Manhattan skyline behind me.

At some point this week I'm going to head over to Rockefellar and see the tree and the rest of the Christmas stuff. Also, I think I might go to Macy's and take pictures of their elaborate window displays in honor of Christmas with their little Santa villages and such - Just stuff to get me feeling Christmas. I'm in New York, I should really be doing more New York Christmas things instead of selling clothing during the season. :) There's also a little outside market thing over by union Square with tons of booths with people selling items...I think there's one in Central park too. Maybe I'll check it out.

Alright, have to get to work. Peace.

The Winter Blues Already?!

It's true. The winter blues are beginning to hit New Yorkers left and right like an unexpected snowball to the face. However, many people in Michigan that I have talked to and heard of are falling victim to this contagious epidemic that is apparently surging the U.S. earlier than usual. I'm scared for what will actually happen in January and February when this sickness usually hits. Hopefully, these current winter blues are just a result of the horrific economic situation our country and the world is facing and will eventually fade with the coming of the new year so that the usual winter blues can take effect? oh man. Well, hopefully, the economy will get better and will bring with it a positive outlook for the year ahead. Stay positive and optimistic, things WILL get better. It has to. :)

Keep me in your prayers for the job I interviewed yesterday. It's at a hotel that opens next week. Please, please pray for me. I need a new job. No one is shopping because no one has money, which in turn means that my paychecks are still not getting much better even though it is the holiday season. No one can afford anything unless it's on sale. It's so sad. I can't wait til January when we have a real positive energy and good spirit leading our country. We need it.

Well, Thursday was the final evening for the first semester at Studio 5. Can you believe it's already done? I know I'm a completely different actor and person from when I got here three months ago. There's a new sense of understanding and awareness in all aspects of life, my body, and stepping into a character. I am by no means saying I understand it fully, but I am continuing the road to that understanding. Next semester will further my knowledge and I can't even control my excitement, seriously. It's going to be weird to have a few months off from this creative and artistic journey I've been traveling.

It's funny. I am not scared. I haven't been. However, I probably should be. In the past 5 years:
I have gone away to school knowing only a handful of people in Kalamazoo, and starting all over to pursue my dream in theatre, meeting some of the best friends I have ever made.
I dropped everything the following year to head to Detroit to follow the same dream; knowing no one. I gained the most amazing mentors, some truly wonderful friends, and experiences I would never trade anything for.
I graduated with a BFA in Theatre Performance. No Double Major. No Minor. Just Theatre. I was never scared. But what did this degree guarantee me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The title of BFA proves that I have an education and to me it means that I have gained the knowledge and understanding needed to begin this career.
I traveled to Moscow to study abroad, not really knowing what to expect, not knowing how safe it would be, not knowing who I would encounter, not knowing the language or even the history of the country. It proved to be an amazing experience, and I was right to not be scared.
I took on Paris, not exactly knowing what to expect either with only a little breadth of knowledge in their language. No translator. I wasn't get scared. We got by, and I proved to myself that I was more intelligent than I would ever give myself credit for.
I opted to move to New York. I trusted my new roommate to find an apartment that I wouldn't see until I moved in, and whom I would never meet until I moved in. I was never scared. I knew it would be ok. It was.
I moved to New York, one of the biggest cities in the U.S., moving in with someone I didn't know, knowing only 3 people in the city, and not having a job. I wasn't scared. It would all work out. It did.
I attended classes four nights a week; no guarantee that I will get a job after this conservatory is done, but I have faith. I'm not scared. I know I am/will be a better person/actor/artist because of it.

I have done a lot. I have dropped everything and started over on a number of occasions. I have not been scared. I guess mom and dad do all the fretting for me. You need to have faith. You need to be positive. You need to be optimistic. THIS will lead you somewhere. Negativity gets you nowhere except allowing you to be sucked into a black hole of despair and self grieving. That's not worth it. You have your whole life to live - wouldn't it be better to live it with a smile instead of just exist in it without being happy? Something to ponder... The point is: Don't be scared. Grab life by the reins and enjoy the ride. Defy gravity. Just Breathe...

I have tomorrow off so I think I'm going to spend the day cleaning the apartment like mad because it needs it. Julie and I are also going to get a few Christmas decorations to help with the Christmas spirit while we're listening to Christmas songs. (18 days...) Speaking of, go to youtube and type in Rascal Flatts -I'll Be Home For Christmas; this is one of the most beautiful songs I have heard in a long while. It gave me chills. Amazing.

Well, I'm off to another day of fun at Macy's. Keep the Faith. Spread the Love.

It's December already?!

I cannot believe how fast time is just flying by! It's already December 2nd! Where does the time go? Update of my life:

Last week, as you know, was the food-filled American holiday - Thanksgiving. This year I was unable to come home due to work, money, etc., however, it was still a really great day with excellent food. I started off the morning by heading over to midtown to check out the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade down Broadway. Well, I ended up moving past a blockade thing keeping one area VIP because it was in my way, so I was able to watch the In the Heights rehearsal that they'd be performing in the parade pre-show. That was pretty sweet because it's one of my favorite Broadway shows. Sweet. Then I moved on to grab a peppermint mocha at my frequented Starbucks on the corner of 35th and 7th. I ended up watching the parade down at 40th and Broadway and I was pretty close to the front. It was kind of a fun atmosphere to see the kids all excited, the people in the parade genuinely happy to be a part of this, and of course the grumpy people behind me because they were getting claustrophobic with all the people. HELLO, you're at the biggest Thanksgiving day parade, you're going to be too close to people. I couldn't help but laugh. :) When I got home, Julie and I packed our cheese and cracker platter and apple pie and headed over to our friend Rachel's; she was having a few people over for dinner. She and her roommates went all out. There was a turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, corn, broccoli cheese cornbread, gravy, asparagus, green bean casserole, wine, sangria, apple and pumpkin pies - all more than I thought I would have on Thanksgiving. It was amazing and so nice of her to have us. We all said what we were thankful for while consuming the great tasting food and drinking the many different shades of wines. We got tired pretty quickly and the scent of the Christmas tree was making Julie's allergies act up, so we headed out around 9. Fun evening with my New York family.

This weekend was INSANE at Macy's...and INSANE is an understatement. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it was, because I'll finally be getting a paycheck that will actually do something to my bank account...only slightly, but every little bit helps. I was actually appalled at the way some of the human race was acting on Black Friday. Incredible. The throwing of clothes like they had lost something extremely valuable and it had to be hidden in the stack of clothing, the knocking down of shirts or pants and not even looking back to pick them up, the shoving of people to get out of their way. What ever happened to the Christmas spirit? If this is what it is, then I don't want a part of it. haha. Seriously, though. I have never gone out on Black Friday or that weekend to shop because I never had a desire to, but man, now I know why instincts kept me home. whew. Oh well, helped me in the end this year. So, you deal with the crazy animals for a few hours, make a little money, put a smile on your face, and walk out and go home. It's not so bad once you have a hot chocolate in your right hand a good book in the other resting on your bed. mmmm...

Speaking of books. So, Julie got me addicted to the Twilight series. I began last Saturday and am now almost done with the fourth and final book of the series. Would that qualify me as a loser that I've finished almost 2,000 pages (and a 200 page play in between) in a week and 3 days? If it does, that's ok. :) The books are all too intriguing and I absolutely love to read. Reading is one of my downfalls, which is why I love and hate to have a good book: Love it because I love reading and keeps my imagination flowing into these crazy vivid worlds of someone else's creation, and hate it because once I begin a book, that's all I can think about and I need to spend every waking moment reading it. Sickening, really, I know. meh.

I have a day off today, so, of course, I'm spending the day reading. haha. But later, I have class. This week is our last week of classes for this semester. Only tonight, tomorrow and Thursday. How crazy?! I've already been here for 3 months tomorrow! It doesn't really seem like it's been that long. When I think back on all of the crazy moments, emotions, hard times, good times, laughter, tears, and my life in general, it's hard to believe it's ONLY been 3 months. Everything I've gone through these past months is something people don't usually go through in a 3 year span. But, I know I'm a different, more mature, and healthier person because of it. I've always been independent, but I'm definitely able to stand my ground more firmly now. I'm stronger in the physical and mental sense, as well as in my creative capabilities. I was thinking just yesterday of when the day comes when I actually get to step on stage again in a role, I know I'll be able to do what's right. Everything Wayne State has taught me is now completely making sense and tightening its grip on my artistry with the help of Studio 5. It's funny how I knew to come here, but it's all completely making sense. I'm changing and evolving and completely in love with the fact that that's happening.

Well, I'm coming home in T - 22 days. (I can almost hear mom's hands clasp together in excitement when she read that sentence. haha) I am actually really excited, too. I love it here and there's so many New York Christmas-y things I want to do around here like go see the tree at Rockefeller Center, go ice skating when there's actually snow, walk through Central Park when there's snow on the ground, go sledding? haha. Who knows if that last one will happen. Who sleds in New York?! I'm also going to be spending all of my extra energy applying for jobs this entire month so that hopefully (fingers crossed) I'll have a new job come January. Business may be booming now in Macy's, but after the holidays when everyone's broke? It's totally going to go back to where it was, if not worse. So, if anyone hears of any openings or has any connections to some good jobs, please let me know. I am open to anything that pays more than $8/hr.

Well, I'm off to read more, write in the acting journal I don't write in often enough, and develop a character and costume for tonight's class. Have a great day.