My journey begins today...

April began this week. April brings in the 7 month mark for me living in New York, Taylor's 7 month birthday (which is coincidentally today), the final month of my Studio 5 Conservatory, bright and sunny spring days, and a whole new chapter that has already begun. This week in class we did a lot of work investigating within ourselves and deciphering emotions, thoughts, digging deep. It was a great, yet scary time of discovery, as well as a release. While writing about all of it in my journal (I keep a notebook journal that I write in everyday), I finished the notebook after that entry. This, to me, is pretty symbolic. While writing, I was writing a changed person knowing that I was finished with a certain chapter in my life and ready to take that next step into adulthood. When I got to the end of the entry, it was on the last line on the last page of the notebook. The next words that popped out of me were "The end of chapter one," and that it was. The interesting part is that I started the notebook when I moved here. The first entry was written the day I moved here and began with "9/3/08 - Here I sit at Detroit Metro Airport, Gate 5, as the new chapter in my life is about to begin...is starting already, I should say." I didn't realize until just now that I started the notebook saying a new chapter is about to begin and then finished the notebook saying end of chapter one. How crazy. I'm excited to look back on it in a few months and see just how much more I've changed and progressed as an individual.

Yesterday I went to throw on a pair of bummy jeans to just run up to the grocery store real fast. I grabbed a pair from the bottom of my jean pile. It happened to be a pair of size 33 jeans from when I moved here. Mind you, these jeans were tight on me before I moved here, or just fit I should say...no wiggle room, really. Well, I put them on yesterday and I looked like a weight loss commercial. No joke. I held the waist out in front of me like all of those pictures you see in the magazines advertising weight loss. I looked like I used to be huge...which I wasn't. I knew I had gone down two sizes in jeans, but I didn't know how dramatic of a change that was until I threw myself back into the old me. Wow. This really and completely shocked me. I eat what I need, I'm more conscious about exercising, I walk a lot, move a ton in class, everything adds together to have helped me reach this place. It was kind of a cool realization. And believe it or not, I've lost 30 lbs. since last March (2008). ew. I used to be huge. That was probably the chunkiest I had ever been. I ate badly, didn't exercise, was not the happiest of campers ever, and my size 33's really were too small for me. So glad I've changed. Life's too short to hinder yourself with a weight problem and unhealthy habits.

This week has been a tough one. One with new realizations, old memories smacking me in the face, and stupid nuances picking at me throughout the days. My analogy to my friend Valerie one day was that I was a martyr that kept walking and small stones and pebbles kept being thrown at me. That was a little dramatic, yes, but that's how it felt. Small things kept happening to get at me, but nothing big enough to take a huge effect and completely knock me down. But, Friday I came to terms with it all. I left work, went out and met with Julie and our other friend, Rachel, and we had a couple really good margaritas. Good drinks, good talk, and good friends; nothing really compares. It's surprising how much just sitting with good energy and a good friend can completely change everything around and make you feel better about whatever. It was a rough week, but Friday night, I left it all behind me; there's no use in dwelling on it and wallowing in the absurdities that affected you throughout the week. Friday brought in a new energy and I have been living in it since then. :)

I just opened the window that has been closed for too long and opened the blinds that are too often shut. The slight breeze letting itself into my room and the sun's rays that are pouring itself in is so peaceful and beautiful and what I love. I really should be living in a place where the weather is like this. The sun brings with it a great energy, an unexplainable happiness, and an unmatchable characteristic that is posessed by nothing else. I am, always have been, and always will be, and individual who is most in his element when the sun is lighting up and warming up the world.

While at work and no one's in the pool, I end up having a lot of time on my hands. So, I write, whether in my journal, a short poem, a song, whatever. I'm not really a writer, a poet, or song writer, but it's still fun to let my creativity flow onto a page into a different form as opposed to me expressing it through acting or movement, which I obviously love. Here is a song I wrote. It's simple and the background music is a simple strum of a guitar playing the same couple chords maybe, or possibly a simple, smooth piano. I wrote it on the day where I ended chapter one and have transitioned into the next phase. I dedicate it to mom and dad because they're amazing, have never stopped me chasing dreams, and filled me with inspiration and confidence every step of the way. I'm going to close this entry with it, also. Have a beautiful day. Enjoy the sun.

It's time to let your little bird fly
Spread his wings and take up to the sky
Explore the world one inch at a time
You've had your life story, let me have mine

You've attached my wings to my back
You've helped me realize my full potential;
I appreciate that
You guided me through the fog and the storm
to sunshine and clear skies on the distant shore

It's time to let your little bird fly
Spread his wings and take up to the sky
Explore the world one inch at a time
You've had your life story, let me have mine

I need to make new friends, learn the world over
There's more than a million things to discover
You helped me set up this path; don't be afraid
I know what I'm doing, I've learned from the best
to be confident, strong, and believe in yourself

You'd say:
No mountain's too high, no land too far away
The sky is the limit, now be on your way

It's time to let your little bird fly
Spread his wings and take up to the sky
Explore the world one inch at a time
You've had your life story, let me have mine

You continue with saying:
I'm proud of you, truly I am
You've grown up to be an incredible man
Now take your first step, open your wings
It's now your turn to fly, dance, and sing
I'm excited to see what the future will hold
for my little bird who's creative and bold

Now take off in flight, you've got the whole world to see
Because I love the person you've grown up to be.

It's time to let my little bird fly
Spread his wings and take over the sky
Explore the world every inch of the way
I've had my story, yours starts today

Be on your way

Fly, my little bird, fly